t h i s i s n o t r o c k n r o l l

3:56pm: one more thing.


DO NOT SEE "KNOWING" it will give you night terrors like never before...i seriously feel like the world will end any day now.

3:51pm: update
as jenny said "its like the old days"
in regards to my recent homelessness and my constant hanging out with the best friends.




PS. my birthday is this coming wednesday and i have to gtfo of jax. any ideas? suggestions? if no out of town is happening im getting "shitfaced" and puking oysters all over.

4:28pm: Dear lj,
You piece of shit. Life is good. The only good thing about is that I'm not flunking school and actually getting it done. I stilll haven't picked a major and have even contemplated going to art institute. oh man. I don't have any boys to make me sad, I only have a brandon and he's just straight flakely sometimes...although he's just adorable I can't really see it ever getting serious. Who needs it. I love a lot of things except for not having the freedom of being able to drive, since getting my license back and buying a new car is going to be a few thousand in itself. Maybe the end of this year that will change. 2009 is the year of new. No more mistakes. No more bad friendships. Real ones. Saving money. Staying optimistic. Staying in school. I have no idea where I'm gonna be in 3 months. I hope my life carries me away to a new state just for a little bit...preferably a college town where I can ride my bike everywhere and work at a coffee shop or something awesome. Fuck hooters. It sucks. Its not me, and its been 9 months, still not me.

Omfg. I'm taking the bus and I swear to you I've been downtown for an hour already...I hate downtown more than life itself. To add on top of that I'm the only white girl on this motherfucker. And much to my luck I wasn't born hideous so all the creeps and old assholes are looking at me in bewilderment.

Its been cold all week and everyone thinks its got something to do w global warming. I don't know but I need it to be warm again! Chillin on the boat dock and beer!


My bday is april fools day and I wanna throw a party at the new house....backyard party with tiki torches....sangria pitchers..oysters! ...fire pit ...brew...whatever! Everyone is invito

3:46pm: someone take me.
fucked up!

Tue-Jan-27 Gainesvile, FL Sluggo’s (with Iron Livers)

3:35pm: oh and ashleys listening to slipknow radio. i thought you should know.

3:34pm: i just write in blogger now so im never on here.
mylifeisafuckingmess.

12:37pm: its that time of year again. you know when its getting way to cold to wear your mini dress you just bought yesterday because it was 90 degrees, and when cloves come back in style and youre just waiting for some random fling to come and go.

3:09pm: problem with me is everything is perfect. (except that little part with the law and i might go to jail butttt)...looking past that theres the changing of seasons, new friends :), boat rides, being broke but happy, enjoying school, mending burned bridges, not being depressed, and soon to have a house full of kittens. getting mad drunk and raging is the thing of the past, im TRYING TO BE more sensible, after all im turning 22 years old before i know it, and really theres no grudges to hold and no failed relations to mourn over. i wish i could just shake people sometimes and tell them their petty gossiping is a waste of time, and all they really need to do is listen to jack johnson or some kind of optimistic hip hop of any sort, be the greatest friend you could be, venture out and explore the community, observing everything, smiling as much as possible, or even better talking to your cat like she can understand english. okay so i might be going off the deep end.


anyways i cant fucking wait til halloweeennnn.

2:50pm: update
broke as a joke. but not sad.

5:52pm: is this it? is this all there is to look forward to? leaping over hurdles and hating everything? and to think i could be happy when all this is gone... i highly doubt it.

3:24am: problematic
Update.
I'm broken, I've acquired two new roomates unoffically, my cat ran away two days ago and came back this morning (probably pregnant), rode alicias bike to the main library and from there it was stolen in broad daylight lock and all (if anyone sees it doesn't hesitate to get it back for me), thus causing a 400 dollar debt, down on my luck? I have to do community service starting this week at a drug rehab center, and also take a dui class this month and talk to a counselor about my lifestyle etc., speaking of which I quit drinking - Best choice I've made in a long time, eventually I HAVE to quit smoking the newports I find lying around in my apartment, I never sleep anymore. - I would kill for a sleeping pill, a way to quit speaking to corrupted males, a brodude jeep to drive when I get my license back, motivation to live, butterflies in my stomach, a chai latte that doesn't make you fat, and most importantly a time traveling machine.

12:41pm: still single.
still horrible.
got a new kitty.
got a dui.
i see heather everyday.
going to school this fall.
my dad thinks im an alcoholic.
my brother will be a father in less than a year.
i dont know.

i still wanna move.

12:48pm: head or heart.
heather was funny last night. everytime i go out it makes me wanna move out of here faster. i dont know why though.


im in a horrible mood for no reason. today sucks.

2:02pm: last night i was a ball of pathetic humiliating emotion. try and guess why. never getting over things is the worst. jose c. is the worst friend i ever had. life is only exciting when i act insane.

11:11pm: ahahahhaahahhahahahahahaha

2:30pm: w ork, work, work.

1:46pm: why are stp and alice in chains so good to me right now?


 

11:09am: bad feelings again..im soooo stupid and so over being a girl. i got messy after my vodka binge on saturday and im really sorry to anyone who had witnessed any of that. overall last weekend was good. saturday was tommy lees bday and i had so much fun, i missed him so much. sunday i spent with ashley, ate at outback for mothers day, watching lars and the real girl while feeling physically pathetic, then played a few games of bowling and i lost horribly. i couldnt sleep last night. i probably woke up 10 times and im now i feel this is going to become a problem. i wanna throw up seriously and i have to go to work tonight. fuck

11:04am: i dream about a different boy every night....but one in particular is killing me.

im a catholic hospital employee by day and a hooters girl in training by night and I have no time for a social life, but thats not a bad thing either. I need to hustle if i want to improve my life and be happier.

my car is made of aluminum foil and im currently addicted to bagels but life is better.

2:13pm: boys only think with their things

palmetto bugs are trying to ruin my life, so today im making a trail of boric acid to surround my bed and i might be getting another job tomorrow because i want to move soon (beach or out of state).. ive taken the antisocial plunge and im not hanging out on the weekdays any more so dont ask me to, for a few reasons, one is to save money and to ultimately figure out who i am again with some alone time of course. i wanna lose like 5 lbs by the end of this month or someone is going to die.

3:06pm: im all smiles
some things make me miserable and those are the things i will never understand nor should even been involved in.
i know the best people and the worst people in this world for whatever reason
i realized last night that i should be a piece of shit and i will be. it doesnt pay to be good anymore.
i also know that i will never fit in with most people and should give up all attempts to stop from becoming what i really am and try to be something im not....basically im saying im comfortable in my own skin. finally. 
im being my normal self again and its soooo good. no pent up anger or frustration. 
 last night = best night. funny kids and bad behavior. im fifteen. 

11:45am: hahahahahahahahahaha
 

11:38am: ooppps

on another note. this is bigmac and i love her

11:26am: birthday is over, and im old
im gonna be gone tonight until sunday. stoked as shit.

jennys gonna get attacked by every razorteeth creature in the sea, erica will have started 10 bar fights, im gonna have white hair, heathers going to turn black and ashley will morph into a mermaid.



on a further note, i need to find a night job or a job at a bar. from what im hearing my job is shutting down and i wont be having an office job in the next few months...so beach every day this summer.

3:26pm: im 21 tomorrow! what to doooo